RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AND SOLUTIONS

Hello Sweet Sweet!!

Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going. If you recognize ahead of time though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error. Everyone's relationships are different. But sometimes we face similar issues.Whatever you're going through in your relationship, it can be comforting to know that you're not alone. Unless you address problems, the same lack of skills that got in the way now will be there and still cause problems no matter what relationship you're in. Below are some practical tips to help you with the most common relationship problems.

Problem: Communication
Communication provides the basis for either a great relationship or an average one. All relationship problems stem from poor communication. The way people talk (or don't talk) to one another can cause a lot of distress and tension within a relationship.When one partner adopts a demanding, intrusive or pushy communication style, the other partner may withdraw or refuse to communicate in response.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Make an actual appointment with each other..
• If you can't "communicate" without screaming, go to a public spot like restaurant where you'd be embarrassed to scream.
• Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking.
• Use body language to show you're listening.  Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to.
• Remove all distractions when trying to communicate
• If unsure or upset about what your partner said, summarize back what you have heard and check for accuracy before you speak in reply.
• Do not blame or label your partner as lazy, uncaring etc but rather focus on the problem behaviors.
• Build your partner up and use encouraging words when speaking:

Problem: Sex (For married couples only)

Even partners who love each other can be a mismatch sexually. A lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. But having sex is one of the last things you should give up (for married couple only as I do not in anyway promote fornication). Sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."

Problem-solving strategies:

• Plan ahead, make appointments, but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. 
• Changing things up a bit can make sex more fun too. Try something different often
• Learn what truly turns you and your partner on
• If your sexual relationship problems can't be resolved on your own, consult a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.

Problem: Money
Financial indecision can lead to major problems in the structural integrity of relationships. Its recommended that couples who have money issues take a deep breath, have a serious conversation about finances and ask themselves the questions below.
 How do you decide about money? Individually or together? How do you decide about how money should be earned and spent? Who pays the bills? How much goes to savings, to charity and for expenses? How are expensive decisions (tuition, childcare, mortgage, car purchase) made? Is each person expected to bring an income?

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be honest about your current financial situation. Don't hide income or debt
• Live according to your income.
• Set aside a time that is convenient and non-threatening for both of you to discuss financial issues.
• If one partner is a saver and one a spender, understand there are benefits to both, and agree to learn from each other.
• Don't trade blame.
• Construct a joint budget that includes savings.
• Decide which person will be responsible for paying the monthly bills.
• Allow each person to have independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Decide upon short-term and long-term goals. It's OK to have individual goals, but you should have family goals, too.
• Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs if needed.

Problem: Home Chores

This is also a major issue especially among married or live-in couple. So it's important to fairly divide the labor at home.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Write all the jobs down and agree on who does what. Be fair so no resentment builds.
• Be open to your partner's solutions.
• If you both hate housework, maybe you can opt for a cleaning service.

Problem: Neglect

Relationships lose their luster. Research shows that the foundation of a happy relationship is friendship. This friendship needs to be nurtured because if neglected it will inevitably deteriorate. Work pressures, other personal issues, the demands of parenting, and the general busyness of life may limit spending the necessary time together and as a result couples drift apart.

 Problem-solving strategies:

• Do the things you used to do when you were first dating: 
• Show appreciation, compliment each other, contact each other through the day, and show interest in each other.
• Plan date nights. Schedule time together on the calendar just as you would any other important event in your life.
• Respect one another. 
• Say "thank you," and "I appreciate..." It lets your partner know that they matter.

Problem: Conflict

Occasional conflict is a part of life but if the same situations keep repeating day after day, it becomes a huge problem. Conflicts often begin when those differences that we knew were there in the early stages of our relationship, become challenging. It is really important that this conflict is dealt with in a way that doesn't drive your partner away or leave a build-up of resentment. When you make the effort, you can lessen the anger and take a calm look at underlying issues.

Problem-solving strategies:

• You and your partner can learn to argue in a more civil, helpful manner
• Realize you are not a victim. It is your choice whether you react and how you react.
• When you're in the midst of an argument, your comments should be geared toward resolving the conflict not payback.
•  If your comments are blaming and hurtful, it's best to take a deep breath and change your strategy.
• Change your response pattern.
• If you usually jump right in to defend yourself while your partner is speaking, hold off for a few moments.
•  Apologize when you're wrong.

Problem: Trust

Trust is a key part of a relationship. Lack of trust stems either when you see certain things that cause you not to trust your partner or you have unresolved issues that prevent you from trusting others.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Be consistent and on time.
• Do what you say you will do.
• Don't lie -- not even little white lies to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the others' feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner is feeling.
• Call when you say you will  and always call to say you'll be home late.
• Carry your fair share of the workload.
• Don't overreact when things go wrong.
• Never say things you can't take back.
• Don't dig up old wounds.
• Respect your partner's boundaries.
• Don’t be jealous.
• Be a good listener.

Problem: Criticism

This is when someone points to their partner and says their personality or character is the problem. Criticism is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner. Criticism is a form of ego defense.
Ladies, are you listening?

Problem-solving strategies:

• If you are the critic, decide to stop your criticism.
• Work at accepting your partner and even his/her annoying traits, harmless bad habits.
• Accept the fact that you will not change your partner. 
• If you are the “criticized” partner, decide to stop coping and object each time your partner criticizes you. 
• Listen and understand the critic's point of view. Don’t just nod while you formulate your response.
• Don’t be defensive except its absolutely necessary.  
• Don’t respond by criticizing your critic. The impulse to justify and attack is strong when you feel criticized, but it just isn’t helpful, and it certainly isn’t effective. 
• Delay your reaction till you have everything under control.  
• Explain honestly the reason for your actions. 
• Admit your mistake.
• Show the critic that you’ve learned something and you prove that you’ve understood the criticism and tried to act on it. That, itself, usually mollifies critics.

Problem: Contempt
Contempt expresses the feeling of dislike toward somebody and implies that the other person is considered worthless and undeserving of respect. Contempt is conveyed through insults, name-calling, tone of voice, as well as facial expressions. Contempt eats away at a relationship rapidly and painfully. Contempt is talking down to their partner, being insulting or acting superior.
  
Problem-solving strategies:

• Always redirect your thought about your partner to something positive about the person.
• Train yourself to practice empathy instead of contempt.
• Instead of doing little things that show contempt, do things that show kindness and thoughtfulness. 
• Forgive, Forgive and Forget!!!!!!

Problem: Lack of support

In order for a relationship to survive and flourish each partner needs to feel that they are receiving adequate support. Having these needs met is a combination of both having realistic expectations about your partners ability to meet your needs and creating and environment where they are aware of and able to meet your needs for support.

Problem-solving strategies:

• Identify what your needs for support are:
• Communicate clearly to your partner your expectations and check they understand:
• Maintain a gentle and forgiving attitude, and do not expect too much - that way you'll be pleasantly surprised when things work out the way you had hoped they would.